She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
