I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
