I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
