R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
