looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The air taste purple.
Randomize
