That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
