hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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