im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
