benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
