But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Randomize
