Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
