You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
