I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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