yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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