M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
