I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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