So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
