do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
