An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
