My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
