Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
