I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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