I cannot find my penis.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
