Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
