Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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