my vag is so smooth its legendary
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
