I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
