Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
