I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
