My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
