as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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