And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
