do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
