she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
