I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
