how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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