I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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