You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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