i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
