I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
