if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
