He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
