I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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