Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
