your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
