Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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