She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
