problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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