Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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