have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
