Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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