So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
