I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
