I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
