Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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