Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
